Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
