saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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