I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
