Sry I called you an 8
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
