If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
