I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
