Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
