Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
