I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
