thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
