I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
