I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize