I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
should my penis look like a turkey
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
