don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
