We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
