So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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