Please, let me fuck your mom
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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