Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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