Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
