And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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