3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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