You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
