ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize