Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
