she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
