I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
