I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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