While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
