please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
