what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
