He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize