Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
