If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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