grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
