only if we run a train.
done.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
