My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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