so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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