last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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