Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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