I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
