i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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