Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
is it fun? or sober?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
