Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize