Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
