i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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