U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
