My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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