I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
third nipple confirmed
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Couch. On fire.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
