I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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