so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
