I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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