you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
