some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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