Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
