Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
