you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
