Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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