Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
