get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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