My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
