Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
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