the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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