I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize