Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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