I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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