Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
