that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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