3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
