I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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