I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I want a musical about memes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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