I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
