so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
