ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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