i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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