just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
